not this time~ (rainynight09) wrote in yugiou_yaoi_con,
not this time~
rainynight09
yugiou_yaoi_con

fic heeeelp

I reaaaallly hope someone knows what I'm talking about. A seriously long time ago I saved a snipette of a fanfiction from ff.net around '04. Would anyone be able to help me out and tell me what it was called and if it's still on the net somewhere? I'd be so grateful.  

All I know is that I saved it around 2004, yes that going back a bit, and it was yaoi. >> Oh, you need more? Ok! The main character was Joey, and wether they used the dubbed names or not I couldn't say. There was SOME sort of relation with Seto in there, wether it was just a ooc helping hand that got sucked into more, or therapy partners or what I couldn't say much of. Mostly I remember lots of intresting/depressed thinking on Joey's part and the ending was a very light, "lets walk towards the future togther and cue the blinding white lights' thing. Without sex. Though I could be horribly wrong, between now and then I've read more than my weight in fanfics. 

Thank you guys so much for even reading this, it's driving me crazy.




"I suppose I was always crazy. That's hard to think of. That people start one way or the other. No choice in the matter.
It has to be that way. Because I can't pinpoint the one point in my life when I crossed over. There was no: I'm sane. Now I'm insane. It didn't happen that way. It was like I was always slipping deeper and deeper into myself from every point in my life.

I never was not crazy.

It's like a pool. You jump in and you know you're between two points. But you're not. You're within the point. My life was being in water. One wrong move and I'll totally immerse myself. I kept getting deeper and deeper until I was standing on my tiptoes to keep myself from going under. But everyone knows that your tiptoes are unsteady.

I was born in the pool.

I was sad. I can't remember a point where I wasn't sad. I can't remember before I knew I was going to loose my mom and sister. I knew from the beginning that was going to happen. I didn't have a say in the matter.

I can't remember before my life was miserable.

Everything was tainted. I'm happy, but it won't last forever. I'm sad, but it could be worse.

Back to the pool.

When you finally slip completely under, it's too late. Being caught in the undertow, then being pulled completely under. You think, it wouldn't take much to get back out again. But that's a lie. Because the water is soothing. Time seems to stand still underwater, while the whole world goes on above the water, you can sit back and watch it. Being surrounded on all sides by the same, but still changing, substance is comforting. It means security. Security in your craziness.

But you can't spend forever there, right?

So you look up. You see how far it would be to get back up. When you see your old life through the distorted looking glass. It looks scary. It looks so big and intimidating. So you don't mind staying under. Staying under to what you're used to, now.

So not only are you crazy.

Being crazy feels safe.

Because you're suddenly in all this *nothingness*, lost, confused, but it makes sense, too. You stay under because, being lost here, in you own nothingness could never compare to having to live *up there*, in the reality." 

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